Gone were the days..

my bmt life is coming to an end.. i would probably miss that place.. but i wouldn't ever wanna go back again.. i seriously don't like how the people in there treats us as a kind.. although i wouldn't say NS is a waste of time.. it certainly doesn't make full use of the time either..

i recently felt that i've reached a whole new level.. it's strange.. it's so unfamiliar.. but it's so powerful.. something that is so within that i can't explain.. things that used to bug me for a very long time just.. i don't know.. disintegrate? it's like a protection layer around me.. i haven't figure out how much i've grown.. but i'll certainly make full use of the things i gained..

you know.. having defeated for don't-know-how-many-times in the past.. i'm getting really tired.. especially the year before last year and the first half of last year.. which is a goddamn disaster.. nothing goes my way.. everything just rejects me.. i can only hide somewhere to try to avoid.. but i soon learnt that it's not gonna change anything.. probably i have to make the first step.. a very big step.. like over-the-drain that kind.. to make a 180 degrees change.. and i kinda glad i did..

i always believe that if you wanna change something.. you have to change yourself first.. and this change that i've made.. really changed me.. on how i see things.. on how i see myself.. on how i behave.. my whole being.. literally..

this protection layer around me.. i hope i can have the ability to pass it to everyone i wanna protect.. afterall.. they are probably the only reason how i obtained it..

heaven cries.. but do you know he cries for utter happiness too?