I'm tired.. Wanna rest..

later i'll be going out for OBS.. haha.. a last minute decision.. coz two students are on MC today.. so i and bi yong are going to replace them.. i'm still worrying about my exam at first.. but.. i've been doing so many things recently.. why not just take a rest and have some fun.. tan myself at the same time.. haha..

really too many things happened recently.. but it will end soon.. i think.. afterall.. we are only a step away to end all this.. just a step.. a step where you have to decide on where to step.. yes.. just another small decision..

when i was reading my friend's blog a few days ago.. i found this word.. "reality".. of coz.. yes.. maybe reality decides all.. but we have the right to go against it.. the only thing you have to have is the guts.. whether you wanna take the risk or not.. i've been through this kind of decision where i need to decide whether i'm going to go against the reality or just stay the way it is.. seriously.. i also don't know what to do at first.. but.. well.. i finally chose to go against reality.. coz.. that is what i wanted.. and what i desired.. as long as i'm happy.. why do i care the damn shitty thing for..?

today.. some more words to give away.. here it goes.. "We.. Are NEVER a servant of reality.. For we control our own FATE.."

Risking my name so as to get back my name..

interesting topic huh..? but this is really what i'm doing now.. gotta gather information from everybody.. and get all things straight.. things i've heard from other people is all mixed up and not in sequence.. so i decided to do this on my own.. and also getting helps from people who is partly involved..

this time round i'm dealing with adults.. haha.. supposingly 10+ older than me.. from what i've heard.. many people says that the person that i'm dealing with pollute young minds.. and made it possible to pass rude remarks on anybody.. well.. i've already thought of some possible reason for why that person did that..

i wanna get the problems of both side solved.. i don't want to be unfair.. it seems a bit impossible.. but i'm gonna do it.. not for me.. not for the name.. not for my dearest jie jie.. but for my very own big family.. if i haven't been in this family.. the warm family.. i wouldn't be here already.. so i've got to try.. no matter what.. even if that person gave me the same ending as the others..

well.. i know the consequence is big.. so i gotta be careful for every move i made.. if i'm not careful enough.. haha.. my name might be taken away as stake already.. my name.. is it really that important..? hmm.. nah.. don't care a damn shit.. i'm doing it for the sake of my family.. i'm not gonna let anyone to destroy it.. hmm.. sounds a bit dramatic huh..? coz the words is coming from a guy like me.. hmm... nah.. the whatever of the whatever..

Silent mode..

today went to watch Garfield with Ruiling and Peiyu.. the show was quite nice.. and funny too.. and watching the cunning cat boucing its fat makes me spit all my nachos out.. doesn't really talk much in front of them.. saw many sec 4 guys.. i don't know why i hated seeing them.. hmm.. maybe it's just one or two that makes me puke..

switched myself into silent mode today.. don't even wanna laugh although there's joke around me.. hmm.. but not always.. there's still some exception due to that lame-o Peiyu.. nah.. just feeling lazy to talk and even opening my mouth..

the time now is 11:25.. haiz.. gotta sleep now.. if not tomorrow can't get up for school.. guess the field trip tomorrow would be damn boring.. especially when it's for geography.. nah.. the whatever of the whatever..

Mood = Doom ? -.-

today i was in a damn bad mood.. ya.. for some reason.. don't wanna mention here.. for some people.. what they give for their feedback is that.. whenever i'm in bad mood.. somebody gotta be doom.. ha.. rhymes huh? nah.. expected.. coz there always been people scolded furiously by me when i'm in bad mood.. either they provoke me or i don't like what they were doing at that time..

hmm.. feeling so bored now.. hey.. i just thought of soemthing.. what is the opposite of a blackhole..? haha.. the answer is real lame.. the clue is that you have to think of what does a blackhole do.. to suck everything in right..? ya.. that is the way..

so tired nowadays.. exam is coming soon.. and there is gonna be self study after the school reopens.. wadde hell.. haiz.. and there's so many things happened today.. that i almost wanted to end my life.. but nope.. i'm not gonna do that.. i still have a lot to do.. a lot to accomplish.. and a lot to say..

well.. life.. ha.. we are always facing death when we were alive.. while facing life when we are dead.. what goes around comes around.. that is why i love the shape circle.. today.. more words to give away.. here it is.. "life.. it is a form of sounds.. often you got annoyed by noise.. and the noise was so loud that you've forgotten the beautiful piece of music you've heard.. but.. if you can remember the beautiful musical notes and rhymes by heart.. eventually.. noise is nothing but the wind that passed by the ears.."

by the way.. the answer for the question above is asshole.. blackhole basically suck all things in.. while asshole spit all things out.. =X

Changing for the better..?

for don't know what reason.. many people seems to talk to me today about changing themselves for the better.. the reasons are.. example.. to fit into the environment.. to make more friends.. to know and be aware of what's happening around him or her.. and all sort of.. my usual word.. bullshit..

to me.. i just wanna be myself.. why bother to change for the better.. just to please the others..? man.. that would do a great hurt to yourself psychologically.. human doesn't exist just to stress themselves.. just be a carefree person.. and the carefree i mentioned here is not that "carefree" mind you.. *oh i'm f~r~e~e~z~i~n~g* haha.. nah.. just joking..

so as i've said above.. i wouldn't change my character or personality just because of someone or whatever reason.. unless.. unless it's for myself.. and if i feel that i will like tha change i'm having.. some people change because they just wanted to fit into the environment.. and they ended up going nowhere.. that's the most pathetic thing..

well.. some words to give away.. here it goes.. "what is you will always be you.. what is me will always be me.. you cannot be me.. while i cannot be you.." these four sentences are simple and easy to understand.. but it's the meaning that make them look different.. think.. the meaning inside is unlimited.. if not what are our brains for.. am i right..? =)

A life with many road junctions..

alright.. i predict that this entry is gonna be a long one.. so don't get bored so soon all of ya.. hmm.. today is teacher's day.. might as well wish all teachers a happy teachers' day.. alright.. the story of mine starts now..

yesterday was really terrifying.. aces day dance and teacher's day performance and all sorts of cowdung.. i was quite alright with aces day.. that was just supposed to lead the school to have fun anyway.. so whatever stupid things i make also nevermind.. haha.. after the aces day workout.. i run back to IT resource room straight away.. gotta change fast into my costume and get ready to perform for the concert..

i'm really afraid that my dancers would cock out in the middle of the performance.. for those who don't understand what cock out means.. it means to do the wrong move or forgetting what to do.. ya.. i was so scared.. but you know.. i don't show my frightfulness infront of any people.. in fact.. i ask them to calm down.. coz being afraid on the stage is one of the restriction of performing.. i'm weird huh..? so at the end.. i'm the one who cock out.. wadde hell.. zZz.. nah.. i won't mind anyway.. my dancers' skin is more important than mine..

i went back home.. got changed into home clothes and go back to my primary school to see my teacher.. well.. doesn't really care if i got see my teacher or not.. i'm going there coz i've got nothing to do.. so bored.. after that.. i went to causeway point to meet Hanni and piggy.. Hanni asked us whether we wanted to go toa payoh to celebrate teachers' day with my dance instructor.. of coz.. how could i say "no".. so we went.. and got to my second home..

ya.. we celebrated teachers' day and had fun.. but.. again.. i saw the terrifying side of my dance instructor.. she asked us all out and wanted to talk to Hanni alone.. her eyes were red when she was coming out of the room.. i finally realize what had happened after that.. ya.. same old thing.. like what i experienced before.. the celebration is only part of their plot..

she told me a lot of thing.. of what has teacher said to her.. and what has she been thinking.. and i told her the following.. "This is the road that you choose.. as long as you are happy with it.. i wouldn't have any objection.. coz you got your own sets of thinking.. you know what is good for you.. and you know what will make you happy..but remember.. any road you choose will lead to different kind of consequences.. hope that you won regret of anything.. teacher was right in some way.. but also wrong in some way.. wish you could analyse it well and make the right decision.."

ya.. i said all that.. and she replied me.. "you are a great guy.." huh? did i see wrongly.. i'm just telling her my perspective of life.. anyway.. just feel that the whole incident is outrageous.. and it's stupid..

just checked out her blog.. hmm.. well.. ermz.. she is still so pitiful as ever.. haiz.. i've read all the struggles that she had in that particular month.. suddenly.. feel that i'm a jerk.. i'm so obsessed into my feeling and i've neglect of how she feel..

dearie.. i still love you as much as before.. i've promised that i'm going to wait.. and i'll do it.. and i'm already doing it.. never mention of back out coz that is not in my dictionary.. i just hope.. just hope.. hope that you still have the same feeling towards me like the days when we were together.. i.. really love you.. and.. i wanna say sorry to you for my cool act this few months.. i'm sorry.. really really sorry.. haiz.. i love you.. dearie..

Iron Love Nickel Forever!!