The deep exhales..

2012 for me.. ended with a high note.. and i'm glad i spent the last day with all of my hopes for the future i'm designing.. throughout the day.. i've been seeing things i wanted to see.. taking care of each other.. looking out for each other.. crack mild jokes and having fun.. and we shared our darkest secrets.. to be honest.. it's like a dream come true.. they are the group.. the community.. and the people i hope to have with me..

but at the same time i'm wondering.. how long can this last..? eventually we are going to have different goals in our life.. eventually we are going to have our own family.. and eventually we'll go seperate ways.. i'm not trying to tie anyone down.. coz i know only by letting go.. can they fly higher and further.. there's no gathering without people leaving huh..?

i wonder if everything were to start all over again.. can i handle them with better ways and solutions.. they might not have performed to the standard i want.. they might have disappointed me greatly.. and they might have made me lose my hopes on them.. but they are just kids.. just coz they've hurt me doesn't give me the right to hurt them.. after long thoughts.. maybe what i've done to them is a big mistake.. maybe i should stop using brute forces.. and stop having the easy way out..

i might have survived through the rumoured apocalypse.. but with each year gone and pass by.. the more i realize how incompetant i really am.. i still have so much to learn.. so much to do.. so much things to make it right.. i got a long way ahead of me..

此曲长之路不见其终，需快马加鞭好取其峰