Step by step..

today.. i mean.. yesterday i'm feeling quite pissed but i don't know what is the reason.. well.. i think they all are kinda scared of me coz i look kinda serious which seldom happens.. hoho.. sorry about that.. =P

and wadde heck.. i think i'm being convinced by teacher.. is it that i still trust her or her tone is just so comfortable and it makes me convinced.. well.. if the second one is the case.. then she is really someone that i should be careful of.. she can convince even people like me.. i really have nothing to say.. but.. what she said is reasonable.. and this is the most scary thing if she was just trying to test me.. i'll never forget that she once questioned me "do you wanna quit? if it's not your father's wish.."

well.. i'll just see how things are going after my every step.. but before i make my decision.. i think i'll go to saturday's class.. it's easier to see things there.. and i wanna train the boys up once they joined.. hmm.. maybe the girls as well.. to be frank.. edmund can do a good job in training them up.. but he will not do a good job coz of some factors that i found out yesterday.. and i don't think i need to spell them out here.. coz all of you already know how he is like when teaching.. ya.. my usual word.. whatever..

hmm.. ya.. above will be my answer to those who cared and wanted to know about this thing.. and that is the last thing i can do for RSS Chinese Dance.. anyway.. i'm prepared for gossips from the people in dance troupe.. which means i've prepared for the worst..

Fading..

hmm.. second post of the day.. i was asking myself just now.. do i really have so much to blog..? well.. maybe it's coz of that thing.. ermz.. ya.. that thing.. =X

hoho.. three more practise to count down.. and i gotta be concentrating on my new life.. heard that some juniors cried at home.. oh my god.. come on la.. not that serious.. i will still be coming back but not as often.. don't make me feel so important coz i'm not.. anyway.. i'll try to come back as much as i can.. coz i know i'll miss RSS Chinese Dance..

after today.. i guess i don't have to worry so much.. coz she really got a great bunch of friends that can make her day.. haha.. ya.. seeing them play.. although i wasn't involve in it.. but i can sense all the joyfulness in them.. especially her.. coz her smile is so contagious that it makes me smile.. er.. mushy isn't it.. or rather lame..? -.-

ermz.. feel a sudden urge to thank all of them.. who make her day.. as well as mine.. i thank you here.. you know.. from the time i've decided that i'm gonna protect her.. what i really hoped is something that can awaken her angelic smile that come from the bottom of her hearts.. i thank you all for being her friends.. and i thank god for blessing her by giving her such a great bunch of girls.. actually i don't believed in god.. but who else more can i thank..?

hmm.. although i know that i don't have any stand to say all these coz maybe i'm just her passer-by.. but.. who cares..? haha.. treat me as i'm thanking you as all of you helped me realised my wish..

hey.. i've told you to come to me whenever you are in need right..? actually i do really wish you'll never come and find me.. coz it means you've faced a really big problem and i don't want it to happen.. i hope you'll never need to face the chaos of reality.. but i know it will not happen la.. but.. whatever is the case.. and no matter what happened.. i will always be your last resort.. =)

I have a dream..

i have a dream.. to be part of the society..
i have a dream.. to learn to make big money..
i have a dream.. to have big cars and houses with me..
and i have a dream.. to do the above before fourty..

i have a dream.. that all couples with ease, can be together..
i have a dream.. that love will have no more problems to occur..
i have a dream.. that someday i could meet the rightful her..
and i have a dream.. to be with her one day more than forever..

i have a dream.. that what i dreamt is not a dream..
and i have a dream.. that all these will come true as how i wish it to be seemed..

Finality dead end..

hmm.. felt a bit relieved after telling that person my thoughts and feeling.. well.. what more can i do..? i can only sit and wait for that person to come to me.. but.. this is such a big gamble.. zZz.. we might go back to square one if not game over..

anyway.. went to my junior's house today.. haha.. saw lots his little brothers' toys.. hmm.. i sorta having a flash back when i'm still a small boy.. not much of it though.. don't know where all those memories went.. but.. who cares..

the sky today is everchanging.. just like my mood today.. oh wadde hell.. who ask me to be a hero.. haiz.. oh yeah.. i think i'm quitting hui guan.. hmm.. that is such a big decision.. ya.. it's sort of tiring being in there.. and i wanna take those time to familiarise with the poly system.. hope it won't turn out like what i'm doing in secondary school.. that's what my father told me.. and i agreed.. i'm so amazed.. -.-

was advicing this little guy on how to win his dreamgirl's heart.. and i realise i've learnt many things towards relationship.. but.. so what..? i know how to advice people and help people.. yet i cannot even help myself.. crap isn't it..? you guys there.. wanna help me with my life..? hmm.. better don't.. you'll fall into a bottomless pit and never get out.. just like me..

to you.. the reason why i told you so much about hui guan is coz i'm leaving.. it's a dreadful place.. it's best not to go there for innocent people like you.. heed my advice.. do not stay there for too long.. continue if you really love dance.. but don't climb too high.. and don't ask me anymore things about hui guan.. coz knowing too much is not going to do you any good at all.. it may make you suffer instead.. lastly.. i still have feelings for you.. but as i said.. i'm not ready yet.. i won't bother you with any of my nonsense.. at least i feel i'm talking nonsense if you may not think so.. thus i could only show my feelings through other ways.. and all i know is to protect those who i wanna protect.. and you are the one.. so.. no chance for this.. at least a chance for that.. hmm? and here.. dedicated to you.. the last song of the cd that i gave you.. Let Me Die.. enjoy.. =)

alright.. enough of my nonsense.. give all of you one quote that i learnt.. 爱没有对与错.. 只有被动与主动..

*我试着去主动了.. 你会被动吗..?*

The pathway to your innate charcter..

hmm.. today went for my poly enrolment alone at about 11.45.. damn suck la.. up till now i don't see anyone that i favoured went into singapore poly.. zZz.. and i've got my student admission card made there.. woohoo~.. i feel the signs of changing of my life.. hmm.. then went to the showcasing of the clubs there.. damn lots of them.. and every club organised a camp.. that's like.. where the hell do they get so much money.. finished at around 3 in the afternoon..

i came across this club.. they sort of believed in jesus and talk to me about the upcoming movie davinci code.. haha.. oh well.. he talks then i listen.. that's the basic courtesy ok.. although most of it didn't get into my head.. then they ask me to do surveys.. hmm.. ask me use a word to describe my life and so on.. *shruggs*

anyway.. do you guys ever thought that you understand fully of yourself..? well.. for me.. i don't.. this feeling of mine become stronger when i heard my voice after recorded.. it's totally different.. i don't know how to put it in words.. but it is totally different.. just think.. the voice that you heard when you speak is different from your voice when recorded.. could it be meaning that there's much more you need to discover about yourself than to discover about others..? well.. i don't know.. and furthermore.. who cares? haha..

i'm starting to feel that i have many scary thoughts and frightening ideas.. but.. that isn't gonna stop me from having them.. and i think i'm starting to fall in love again.. fucked up.. i better diverse my focus now.. -.-

一段..

一段不承认的爱情
叫做压抑..
一段表却拒的爱情
叫做勇气..
一段刚开始的爱情
叫做热恋..
一段甜纯纯的爱情
叫做天真..
一段火辣辣的爱情
叫做深渊..
一段苦深痛的爱情
叫做经验..
一段变了质的爱情
叫做怨恨..
一段忘记了的爱情
叫做放下..
一段最美丽的爱情
叫做回忆..

On my own..

hmm.. not much had happened recently.. except that i feel damn pissed off with the aunty in my working place.. zZz.. everytime come find me and scold here and there.. but whatever la.. last four days and i'm quit.. throw dishes at her face.. wahaha..

for the past weeks.. i feel so much carefree.. er.. not that "carefree" ok.. hmm.. no one to restrict my doings.. so fun.. i can sleep whenever i wanna sleep.. play whenever i wanna play.. flirt whenever i wanna flirt.. oops.. i shouldn't have spelled that word.. but anyway.. no burden at all.. haha.. guess this is the kinda life that suits me..

but.. haiz.. it's happening again.. why are there so many girls around me..? i feel so fucked up.. zZz.. everytime when there's one down.. there's another up.. maybe it is me who is thinking too much.. but her reaction towards me are kinda different in the past.. and my feeling towards her is.. hell la.. i don't wanna talk about it anymore.. i'm not ready yet.. i don't wanna make girls feel heartbroken and cry in front of me again.. especially she is the one i wanna protect.. oh man.. this is freak..

hmm.. my new life is officially starting in three weeks time.. hope there won't be another tammy.. lol.. hmm.. kinda worried about the sec ones.. they sure are gonna fight if i'm not around teaching them.. zZz.. well.. let's see then.. things might not turn out that way.. ya.. a cold war probably.. -.-

活该..

如果誓约可以修改
如果时间可以从来
我会将我的心 在你的面前全部拆开
让你看明白

不要笑我不知好歹
不要骂我恶性难改
若不是你的爱 还有谁能够让我摇摆
谁能将我打败

是你太乖 不是我坏
爱情本来不是黑就是白
不能留住你给的爱
我的伤心都叫做活该
别再等待 别怕解开
爱与不爱没有灰色地带
如果最后你愿意留下来
我会答应你不再离开

也许命运早有安排
也许伤口值得喝彩
心跳还依旧在 若不能与你苦尽甘来
只能算残骸

不要问我居心何在
不要让我气急败坏
等不到你的爱 别怪我久久不能释怀
我不擅长忍耐

是你太乖 不是我坏
爱情本来不是黑就是白
不能给你最后的爱
我的伤心都叫做活该
别再等待 别怕解开
爱与不爱没有灰色地带
如果最后你还是要离开
我的生命就不算存在

如果爱你是我自己活该
我会亲手将自己掩埋

Poem craze..

i'm back for more poem.. wahhaa.. i think my poem craze is back again.. inspiration striked me again and again.. hmm.. here's my work piece..

黄叶无风自缓落
秋云不雨却长阴
天若有情天亦老
悠悠幽恨情难尽

hmm.. this poem is describing about things happens very naturally.. and often if cannot be controlled.. things will happen if they are meant to.. even though you refuse to believe it.. it happens..

The black foot steps i left behind..

woo hoo~~.. got to know that i've been posted to digital media course in singapore polytechnic.. hmm.. i'm quite looking forward to it.. haha.. ya.. a new start of my life.. how fun.. =)

hmm.. looking back at the diaries i've kept over a few years.. i reflected a lot.. i've put in my best effort in every relationship that i had whole heartedly.. even though it didn't turn out to be good.. i still try.. and try.. and try.. and now i've finally found out the reason why it always end with the worst senario.. which is what i think of..

i realise i'm too childish.. i'm a immatured bastard.. i thought love can be simple if both parties wants it to be simple.. but in fact it's not.. love can never be simple.. coz love doesn't stand alone.. it needs some other efforts to keep it nourished.. which ironically.. i don't think i have it yet right now.. and maybe that's the reason why i've made so many girls cried.. 因为我从没爱过人.. 我只有害过人.. i've made them fall in love yet i'm not careful enough to catch them without being hurt.. it's my fault.. all my fault..

well.. for now.. since i don't think i'm ready yet.. maybe i'll just stick with what i have now.. and until i think i'm ready.. i won't say hi to love again.. so fuck off cupid.. or i'll break all your arrows..

A new life..

welcome and sorry for the trouble.. i need to put the password coz of my personal matters.. definitely not coz of the tag board thing.. haha.. but whatever it is.. i just wanna refrain some people coming into my blog and get my life messed up..

seriously.. so much things happened for the past two month plus that i nearly lost myself.. anyway.. this is the start of my new life.. i'm not gonna care about the past anymore.. dwelling in the past isn't going to take me anywhere..

i'm sorry that i have done this kinda thing to you.. i don't wanna tell you the reason and i don't have the reason to tell you.. treat me as an immature stupid asshole plus bastard.. you'll feel better if you think this way..

and for you.. i didn't really hate you until recently.. just who you think you are.. a guardian angel..? what a joke.. you are just creating more troubles for everyone and everything.. i don't blamed you for disclosing me.. but love blinded your eyes.. this is what i hated about.. haiz.. but whatever it is.. god bless for your broken finger..

残风催花情将尽 沉睡惊梦泪水流
人生难能几回痴 情场易起千日愁
是非成败岂能定 往事喜忧怎罢休
宁将心底真情意 幻化诗情任水流