Chapter 19..

i thought i could just let go by choosing another option.. i thought i could just not hurt anyone anymore by choosing another option.. i thought i can carry on like nothing has happened by choosing another option.. but i guess i was wrong.. but i'm gonna give me more time to see how things goes.. hope tomorrow will be better..

anyway.. despite the fact that i'm low.. my dear baby szeling has brighten up my day with her stupidity.. carelessness and the befallen bad luck.. haha.. oh well.. she's so damn bloody cute today with all that stupid stuff happened.. but i think she'll be like " i'm cute right from the beginning" so it's kinda no difference.. i guess..

too busy with stuffs.. life's getting harder ey? i guess that's why it makes life challenging.. just like some games.. it gets harder each level you go up.. and it gets freaking easy if you went back to play the same stage.. life's a game isn't it? except for no replaying.. no strategy guides and no cheats..

maximizing potential gives you wings..

Will there be someday..

i'm sick.. once again after the same heartbroken experience that i got like three years ago? although that is totally different incident.. but hey.. does that mean i will get sick everytime this happens? that totally sucks..

alright.. it's all over now.. i'm being forced again to search for a true meaning.. luckily i still have them.. and her of coz.. although it's kinda unfair for her to do such a thing for me.. oh well.. what else can i say.. the world is unfair.. so does everything and everyone living in it..

i'm involved in this WDA community recently.. also known as World Dance Alliance.. haha.. i was being introduced by sis jenny to do a website for them since she was the first to be assigned but didn't have time to do one.. that's how i got in.. and well.. everything just come too fast.. i don't know what to say.. perhaps this is a sign telling me that i'm going to step into the society very soon..

我什么都放得下.. 就是放不下放下你的痛苦..

Unfocused eyes..

never to blur your vision just coz everything is trying to stop you.. never to be afraid just coz of the fact.. never to backout just coz by experience, you know it's not gonna work..

i don't know why the hell did i just typed that.. probably is coz of the sadness i'm feeling now or the sadness that someone is feeling now.. well.. i don't know what to say.. i just feel so terrible after i read my past posts.. again.. vex and heartaches had overcame me..

i tried not to be confused by the fact but still.. i do not know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.. guess i'm afraid of repeating history ey..? i'm afraid? what a joke.. i'm afraid of nothing but myself.. well.. who are not scared of me when i finally blow up or break down? seriously.. i think i'm breaking down soon if everything wasn't going smooth..

sometimes i feel i'm mighty.. sometimes i feel i'm weak.. so which am i? mighty or weak..? neither.. i'm just a normal being trying to get what he wanted.. badly..

asians are wierd.. they portray sadness as a beauty..

Hands together and kneeled..

nowadays i feel so old.. i keep having this feeling that.. erm.. my girls in dance are so cute.. as in.. innocent? erm.. not yet exposed to danger that kinda thing.. oh anyway.. if i said this to them they will be like "of coz i'm cute".. so it's not much of a difference.. i think..

my assignments are not done yet.. i'm feeling so dead.. but.. heck la.. i'll do them after i finished my stuff.. some important stuff.. and hereby apologise to my group member that i failed to turn up for almost every meeting.. so sorry..

i think i have hope.. i think i have luck.. i think it's the right time.. and i've gotten the right chance.. well.. i don't know i'll succeed though.. sometimes you will just fall under the group which is having a lower percentage without any reason.. hmm.. it doesn't hurt to try does it? oh well.. let's give it a shot.. i shall see how things will go after i've done what i should do.. hope my lady luck is with me.. *pray*

someone once told me.. believing in god means you are weak.. believing in buddha means you are strong willed.. for now.. let me pray to god sincerely.. for i'm too weak and powerless in front of her..

love is a double edged sword with a sharp pointed hand grip.. it makes you weak and yet it makes you strong.. and above all.. it will leave a mark on you so that you'll always remember the pain and happiness you've gone through..