The glowing necklace..

today is 121212.. most people treat it as a day of confession.. i suppose it is to me too.. but not in a boy girl relationship kinda thing.. but deeper than that.. with deeper meaning.. it's like how you met something that caught your heart when you are in the midst of daily strolling.. plain simple.. exceptionally difficult.. and heart stoppingly special..

it's been a long time since i poured so much of my dark secrets out.. and we have so much in common.. the things we like.. the ways we behave.. and the thoughts we share.. they are so similar that it's almost unbelievable.. but i have to say that it's always this kinda special person that enter each different phrases of my life.. that guides me and pushes me to my limit even though i'm at the end of the cliff.. and coz of that.. i fly.. without realising i have the ability to do so..

but it's like what the chinese says.. there's no gathering without people leaving.. hard fucked truth huh..? i always know.. that what you gave out will never equate to what you get in return.. but somehow i will give away my everything.. everytime.. it's just the way i behave.. it's just the way i feel.. and it's just the way i believe that.. you need to answer to nothing except yourself.. as the saying goes.. live with no regrets.. dun left a space here and there.. and after you realized you could have done better.. all is gone.. nothing's left..

heartaches will happen.. but it will never stop me from improving.. i need a better me.. to protect the ones i love.. to take their hands and walk through the adversities.. while i shield away all unhappiness from them.. so stay behind my back.. while i force a way out for all of you..

acting stupid for the sake of one's smile.. is never stupid..

心如靖潭，灵如淳雪

i just came back from my oversea exercise.. and before i make a post about that.. i'm gonna make confessions.. to the girls that have been together with me for months.. and even weeks.. I hope this'll do something about the past keep coming back to haunt me..

to P: i wanna say sorry to you.. i lied to you.. i didn't give you a sense of familiarity.. i didn't talk to you much when we were together.. and sorry for tons of other things.. yes we were too young at that point of time.. and i'm too scared to lose this relationship.. but still i dun think it's an excuse for me.. even though it was the first relationship i ever had.. i'm glad we became good friends after we broke up for two years.. and even though we stopped contacting after i went nafa.. i still miss you once in a while.. I still remember that i once felt inferior to you.. like being unable to take care of you that kinda thing.. but i guess it's all in the mind.. and how well you adapt to it.. so thank you.. it was a sweet and memorable first love.. it taught me a lot of things..

to N: i'm not sure whether telling you this is a good thing.. but i'm gonna say this anyway.. it's a confession after all.. that if you were to ask me to be together with you right now.. you are the one.. and only one.. that i would say "yes" without hestation.. we broke up coz you wanted to focus on studies.. well that's what you said any way.. but from that day until now i still didn't believe the reason you gave.. it's most probably that you didn't like me anymore.. and that you are too kind to tell me the truth.. at least that's what i've been telling myself.. so i can get over it as fast as i can.. after all i did broke down after reading the letter you gave me before you left.. thinking back.. what brought us together was probably the instrumental album that i borrowed from you.. and i'm still listening to them until now.. and maybe more years to come.. and i'll never forget about the diary you gave me.. that was recorded with your feelings for me before we even got together.. i cried after reading it.. coz i was really touched by it.. now that you have a boyfriend.. I wish you all the best.. and whenever i'm single and available.. i'll take you without questions if you come to me..

to R: i wanna thank you for loving me dearly.. and that was why i decided to be with you.. coz i was touched by your sincerity.. and yes.. i know you liked me before we even got together.. coz i was reading your blog all those while.. but what comes after that was probably too much for me to handle.. I know you are kind.. but just a that bit angsty.. and all the attention and the pampering you need.. i guess i need to be with someone i really like.. and not be with someone with only gratitude that i'm feeling inside.. for that i'm sorry.. that i wasted your precious time.. and broke your fragile heart for almost two years.. or maybe more than that.. and i wanna thank you too.. for letting me to understand myself more.. about what i want..

to H: this was probably the most epic relationship i had.. coz of its complexity.. just to keep it short.. i liked you.. and i'm serious.. if it's not him who grabbed hold of my tails and keep on attacking with both truths and lies.. we would probably still be together right now.. but it doesn't matter already.. since we from best friends become a couple.. and from there we become strangers.. there's a part of me that wanted to keep in contact with you.. but i just can't.. natural reactions make me avoid your presence.. it's probably due to being guilty i guess.. and of coz ego.. so many apologies i wanna make.. but i guess it was all too late.. but i'm glad you have a loving boyfriend now.. you've got enough scars from all the past relationships.. including ours..

to G: i dunno where to start.. coz our relationship is ridiculous.. we can't communicate.. we dun have the same wavelength.. everything is just wrong.. we are simply not compatible i guess.. but still.. you made me realize a lot of things.. like how communication is important.. how finding a common interest and topic is important and all.. so thank you.. for waking me up and stopped me from being my outrageous self..

to Y: i once thought you are gonna be the one.. but apparently i was so wrong that.. i couldn't even laugh at this terrible joke.. you were too childish.. and i was too ambitious.. we started out okay.. i guess maybe it's just the starting that's why we kinda take a step back and only choose to look at the beautiful things.. but after three months.. everything changed.. i know girls want attention.. which i have been trying to give.. but that was a bit too much.. so much that i had to say that was the worse five months of my life up til now.. everyday we'll argue.. everyday we'll be upset abt our indifferences.. but i'm glad it's all through.. coz i do not have to deal with your revengeful character ever again..

alright i'm done.. and i hope this does something.. afterall.. these words has been in my heart for a very long time..

"forever" only stands valid when you don't change at all..